About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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