atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
