i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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