No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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