Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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