OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
