Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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