I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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