they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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