this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
