ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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