Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
