is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize