the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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