if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
