Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
