Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
