made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
