yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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