i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
