please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
