This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
