I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
