i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
