I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
