i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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