are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
