I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
