I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
