i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
