PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
