We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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