remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
