I can tuck mytits in my pants
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
