I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Can Purell be used as lube?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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