woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
