I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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