11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
