i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
