I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
