wrigley field is MILF paradise
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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