Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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