I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Randomize
