you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
