hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
