She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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