I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
