i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize