when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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