Porn is love you can see.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
