it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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