Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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