Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Randomize
