don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
