And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
