ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
