you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
