i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
