The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
