Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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