listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
