i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
