have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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