I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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