Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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