i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I will pee on everything he values.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
