when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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