I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
