Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize