theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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