I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
