My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
